i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
