i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
