All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
