so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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