My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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