I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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