I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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