Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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