I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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