New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
How's work?
Spinning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
