i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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