I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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