according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
