I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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