After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
