I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
