Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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