Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
