Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
