If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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