he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hippo gnu deer
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
