i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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