I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
