I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
