random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
