He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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