dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
