he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
