a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
