Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
