life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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