i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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