capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
