I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Houston, we have a blender
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
