You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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