My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
