So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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