so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
