i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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