Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
