I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
