stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
