i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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