he wants to bone in the snuggie
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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