My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
