the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
How naked do you want me to be?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
