Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
