you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
