I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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