the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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