I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Green mimosas i think yes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This is my gift to your gina
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
